I’m not even sure I really even KNOW one half of my DNA.

That’s really sad.

How does that happen?  How do I know more about former co-workers than I do my own dad?

Does it bother me?  A little.

Am I doing anything about it?

No.

I got tired of trying…of inviting him over…of doing nice things like taking him out for a $200 dinner for Father’s Day…when Tim and I have NEVER ONCE been invited over to his house for dinner. NOT. ONE. SINGLE. TIME.

I finally accepted him as a “friend” on Facebook after a few months of getting progressively more urgent emails, reminding me I had a “Facebook friend request pending!”  I found out that he had complained to my mom that I had accepted someone else but not him (how did he even know that?).  Mason, one of my younger brothers, came to my defense, saying I wasn’t on there much. 

He’s right.  I’m not.  I’m not entirely sure I even understand Facebook. 

I just learned yesterday that Facebook has games.  

Apparently, my mom’s internet was down, so within an email about coming over this weekend, she was all, “YOU HAVE TO HARVEST MY WHEAT!  IT’S READY AND IT’LL GO TO  WASTE AND I CAN’T DO IT!”

Huh?

Since when did we live on a farm?  And where are you hiding all this wheat? And how did you send that email if the internet is broken?

Farmtown.  On Facebook. That’s where the wheat was.

After logging into her account and searching for ten minutes for what would get me into Farmtown – a big “F” (yes, a big F. My brain went there, too),  it took me another fifteen damn minutes just to figure out how to FIND THE WHEAT on her little farm.  Harvest it?   I would’ve sat there all morning had Tim not shown me the sickle button.  Locust and bow weavel invasion averted. Wheat harvested.

So, where was I?  Oh, yes.  Angry father and Facebook.  Seriously?  REALLY?  You’re bent…because of FACEBOOK?

Should I be mad, then, that you decided NOT to set aside time to celebrate Christmas with us, much less buy us a present?  Or how you forgot Tim’s birthday? Or how you continue to choose other women over us…even when they tell you I’M A BITCH because I told you that bringing her over to OUR HOUSE and then proceeding to LAY ALL OVER EACH OTHER was inappropriate….and disgusting.

Personally, I’m thinking my aversion to your Facebook  invitation doesn’t even hold up compared to your past offenses.

Not like you were really missing anything.  I don’t even write on my Wall.

But, now…now you have the key to my life. 

My blog.

So – just remember - after you read this and you’re all upset and complaining to whichever girlfriend you’ve got now…

YOU ASKED.

And so shall you receive.