Remember this?

Yah. Me either.

Good thing I took  notes Tim took pictures.  I’m a visual learner.  Words do nothing unless they’re written in crayons.  And I kind of forgot to pack my Crayolas.

We took my mom to a place she’s wanted to visit since she learned it was in Georgia: The Whistle Stop Cafe. The same place some dude was chopped up and served as barbecue to the police in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.

And people come from around the planet to eat here.  Check out one page of the guest book.  Why? To eat chopped up manbecue, I guess?

FYI: We didn’t order the barbecue.  Though Tim did get a hamburger…

It was cold and rained the entire day.  The best part to that kind of weather?  The Whistle Stop Cafe doesn’t believe in central heating. Or spacer heaters. Or candles. Or blankets.

They believe in hard, wooden benches and body heat.  We sat in one of the benches.  A bench that was right next to a window that probably should have been wide-ass open, since the wind cut right through the cracks and spaces.  Also? You’re pretty much in prison if they lock the door since the windows are barred. With metal.

Yah. The wreaths don’t exactly *mask* the truth…

While we waited for our food – including the Cafes namesake (fried green tomatoes, duh. I know. I really added that reference for myself…so I don’t forget later on…), my mom started telling us how a co-worker had given her an ornament for her birthday.  She was all, “I HATE THOSE.  Don’t EVER get me an ornament for my birthday. It reminds me of when I was a child and my mother would make me pick out a wrapped present under the tree as my birthday present.”

Basically? She got screwed.

Also? I had to give her our present after that story.  Since we couldn’t find what we wanted to give her – a wired headset for her cellphone or a weather band radio, we had to go with plan B.

And by the way? We looked everywhere for those two items.  And to that I say: The hell, places like Best Buy? Whatever happened to being concerned for things like safety and ease-of-use? Because blue tooth headsets? Pain in the ass.  And tornadoes? Pretty shitty when they sneak up on you. Just sayin.

Anyway, her present…

Yah.  Oops? Sorry?  Next time, I won’t get you a shitty gift. Like an ornament.

But my mom *did* however, get to purchase alcohol on a Sunday from a part-time Baptist preacher.  So maybe that counts for something? No? Dammit.

Wait? You didn’t know? Georgia is well, challenged, with the whole idea of purchasing (gasp!) alcohol on a Sunday.  Yah.  I don’t exactly understand it, either.

This is my mom and I. Trying to act like we know what we’re doing. Obviously, we don’t.

After our birthday present fail,  Tim and I immediately ordered an awesome headset for her for Christmas.  It’s the same one I have…and it IS blue tooth but she said she was ok with that and Mason and Troy would help her figure it out (Mason, who is 16, is at that age where he’s all, “MOM. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A COOL PHONE. MOM. YOU CAN’T WEAR THAT. MOM!!!).

We’re celebrating Christmas today with her and my brothers.

Everything is ready to go…except for one thing.

My mom’s gift.

We paid for expedited shipping.  Why? I have no idea…because it obviously didn’t *get* expedited.  And after hours “chatting” with representatives, the shipping charge was removed because well, it’s not here.  Here’s a snippet of one of my conversations:

Sorry, Lennon. I’m totally outing you. 

You’ve ruined my Christmas, Lennon.

Because instead of the awesome headset she’s supposed to have like….today, I’m giving her this.

All wrapped up like a scroll and tied with a red ribbon: