making memories
2 / 17 / 2010I wasn’t a crazy, wild college girl. Though sometimes I look back and wish I was…wish I had done really stupid things that resulted in situations like singing drunken Christmas carols down the street at 2:00 in the morning.
But that? That was something Tim can lay claim to, not me. I didn’t *do* anything. I was too reserved. Too…guarded.
And the sucky part? Not only was Tim the one who sang drunken Christmas carols, he also managed to get his Masters and climb the Corporate ladder and make something of himself.
Me? Yah…not so much.
Do I regret not being an out-of-control, crazy college girl?
Ummm…I’d say no if I was in the middle of becoming someone super important. Like a doctor. Or maybe a nuclear scientist. Or Mother Theresa incarnate.
But I’m not doing any of those things. I’m just me. Some girl who gets her head handed to her every day at work and writes a blog.
And you know, someone really needs to contact CNN or Oprah or the person who writes kick ass autobiographies, because dammit, I deserve one. If some chick can have a million babies and become famous just for doing something women are genetically engineered to*do* anyway (grow babies, duh), then hell, we all deserve a break.
You’d think the success graph would steadily climb as you aged…where you end up completely awesome, feeling fulfilled and useful…but I think I might have maxed out in college, what with all my basketball glory.
It kind of sucks to be ordinary.
And the more I reason this mess out in my brain, the less I regret not making stupid mistakes in college. Instead? I’m getting more fired up to kick my own ass and get out there and BE somebody.
I just don’t know who the hell that is, exactly.
Which is probably the root of my problem.
I’m pretty sure I need some kind of lucky charm or good omen or a random stroke of genius.
And in the same breath, I shouldn’t even be complaining. I have a wonderful life. I’ve been blessed with so many wonderful opportunities and have amazing people surrounding me, both in *real* life and through the internets…I have so much more than so many people. So I shouldn’t whine about what else I want. What MORE I want.
Yet, I feel so unsatisfied. So unfulfilled.
And it is so damn frustrating.
Tim says it’s part of the growing process…but I’m 27. And to me, 27 should mean I’m already well on my way to BEING SOMEBODY.
And if that is truly where I’m headed, it’s a twisted, confusing, convoluted path.
PS: Even though I’m all whiny, I’m still giving away something awesome, since booshy made it a whole year. If you want to have a chance to win, go here and leave a comment. That’s all you really need to do.
Sorting out your whole life before you’re 30? Total myth. Here’s the fun part – once it’s out of the way, you can stop worrying about it and just enjoy being comfortable with who you are That’s awesome, trust me.
But I do warn you, 30 also comes with back fat. Not awesome.
I’ll be 27 this year, and I still feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled. I even feel like I’m still searching for myself half the time. Lame.
Um, I’m 43 and have the same issue.
I completely forgot about the giveaway. I’ve been wondering why all of a sudden you have so many commenters. I mean, my in-box has had LOTS of BOOSHY activity lately.
I’m 27 now too, and can completely relate to feeling unsatisfied. I haven’t done any of the things that I wanted to do by this time in my life, but at least there doesn’t seem to be a time limit on most of these things. However, I did do a lot of stupid things… and still do them.. and it certainly doesn’t help things along.
heh…. I’ll be 29 next month… started pre-med last month… why so late? because I was a total fuck-up in my late teen years.
It’s never too late to do the things you want to do- if you want to get drunk and sing Christmas carols at 2am- do it… you don’t have to be a college dummy to do those things! If you want to BE something- figure out what it is you want to be- chances are, if you find something you LOVE doing, you will feel fulfilled even if you are just ordinary.
Option B: have lots of kids…. I hear that makes you famous!
I wasn’t crazy party girl in college either. Sometimes I regret it but I think I still had fun, for the most part. And grad school kinda made up for it. Kinda as in not really, but it was Vegas, so that must mean something.
Now I have a nice little degree and a salaried job with a cubicle and I’m still like, umm, when am I going to do something important?
Ironic piece of shit #1: The ad that came across in my reader was for a university. Damn SEO is spot on.
Not-so-ironic piece of shit #2: I’ve been feeling like a worthless shitbag lately too. (I can read right through the grammar and competence to know what you are really saying)
Unclassified piece of shit #3: I was a crazy college-aged girl. I opted out of attending any sort of institute of higher education, because, well, I was convinced I didn’t need books to push out the street smarts and real life experience I could gain for myself. For free. Without schedules and study groups. I feel more independent and accomplished having taught myself the things that have brought me the victories in life. Ain’t no thing, like the real thing…or some piece of shit like that.
Thoughts:
(1) You will always be searching for who you are. It’s a journey. There is no “I figured it out!” moment that lasts forever. This is a good thing, not a bad thing.
(2) There are a ton of resources out there that have helped me get closer to living more in line with what is important to me. Send me an email if you want a smattering (or more).
(3) Forgive yourself. Get over the “should have dones”. Move forward on the things that are most important to you. It is not even close to being too late.
Good luck, Jessica!
Story of my career so far. I grew up only wanting to do one thing for a living, then found out I couldn’t for medical reasons. Everything since professionally has been a second best, second choice option, and I look at some of my peers who did manage to follow my chosen path with a mix of envy, bitterness and wistful could-have-been imagining. I know I AM somebody to a lot of people, but I feel your frustration at being fixated on achieving career wise, and that we are always conditioned to want more. I have a nice life, great friends and family, an awesome wife, and an amazing daughter, yet somehow this annoying nag tells me this isn’t enough, I have to be a professional legend as well.
I’m with Daphne. I think if ever anyone went “I figured it out!”, what would be left?? Life is a constant journey of self discovery. (wow. that was profound. go me.)
I was a crazy college party girl. Then I had lots of kids. I’m still not famous. But I’m happy. I think that might be better.
♥Spot
PS- I hope you heard me hollar “Hey Booshy!!” at 1 am as I drove through Atlanta monday night. =]
Fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t.
I was a crazy college aged chick (I didn’t go to college until later) and I still have no idea who I am.
So…let’s just get drunk and screw…in a lightbulb..the one in the bathroom just blew out
I’m in the same boat you are. I feel the same way. I blogged something similar just yesterday.
I hope we both find our bliss.
I hit that last year. Then I enrolled in school, opened the studio, and now i feel over fulfilled.
Not sure if you’ve been reading me or not, but if you have, then you’ve seen the whole “unsatisfied me” blog. And hun, I’ll be 40 this year! After reading some of the comments, I feel better about myself, since I know I’m not alone. I doubt I’ll ever find that one thing I’m good at; that one thing that will make me feel satisfied and utterly happy. But you … you’ve got the outer things that will make the inner desires possible! Don’t take that for granted! Especially since I’m sorta kinda living vicariously through you.
Such diffuse goals only lead to heartache. You do not need to do anything to be somebody except to focus on the moment. Do things you find engaging, what other people think and want matters not.
Ahh the aging process…fun huh? Here is a little food for thought… Brilliant is maybe in the eye/mind of the beholder. Perhaps famous and popular and all those things are also relative. If I asked your dogs who their #1 human in all the world was, it would be you. Same for Tim I bet. And if I asked someone whom you have done something nice and unselfish for… who is someone who has changed their world and made it a better place? They would maybe also say “Oh my friend Jessica” So now you can ask yourself who it is that you want to change the world for…people who you know and love, or a bunch of strangers who you will most likely never even meet. I will take this opportunity to let you in on a little secret, there are like a bazillion blogs out there in bloggville and yet we always come back to read yours. Coincidence? I think not. You make us laugh and think and look at things in a different way. You entertain with your wit and your lovely photos. You keep us interested in what you have to say. You are pretty cool as far as we are concerned. So go grab yourself a trophy or a plastic Oscar or Emmy and give it a home on the mantle next to one of Tim’s ships and gaze lovingly at it while you write for us.
When you are getting your head handed to you at work remember, they asked you to come back. You did not go to them begging to be taken back, they came to you. And gave you more money to help ease your pain.
Second, I will drive down from my cornfield, grabbing Spot who loves a roadtrip, Sassy Britches who loves a Hot Blogger Hook-Up and Barista and her amazing cupcakes, We can get drunk and sing Christmas carols down the street and anything else we can think of to put Tim’s crazy college days antics to shame. I have a big van so we can squeeze a few more in if they want to come to. Just be ready to party like a crazy kid when a big purple van pulls into your drive.
Maybe that crazy partying stuff does have something to do with it. I crazy partied. Stole the car at 13, ran away, drank half a case of beer while driving around stealing construction signs and leaving them on random front porches. Sex, drugs, rock and roll.
Now I’m perfectly FINE. Very happy with my life. And the people at work think I’m a GOODY. Which I guess I am now but still…… it just sounds weird, but true. I got it all out of my system.
Get messed up then when you are straight you’ll be so proud of yourself.
*this message was brought to you by your sponsor Miller Lite- less filling, tastes great!*
I feel that way a lot too. I think as we get older, things just go faster and faster, and you start to think “what am I DOING anyway?”. Seems like a lot of us are hitting that around 27 (me included)… and apparently it doesn’t always go away by 40. awesome.
I’ll be 27 in August, and I still think of pretty much everyone who’s old than me as “the adults” while I myself still feel like a child. I always thought by now I’d be further on in life, if you know what i mean.
@mmclaughlin wait, this doesn’t go away? oh darn, i turn 27 next week and though it would be great to have a virtual self-pity group with all the other 27sths out there, i was hoping i could sit out this month or two of misery…