a belated thank you and cry-babbling.
2 / 23 / 2010I need to give a belated thank you to everyone who gave their support in response to my post the other day about my amounting to nothing. All of your comments…they didn’t go unnoticed. They did help. They were awesome.
I’m just failing miserably in responding. It doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE your comments. It means I’m a massive douche canoe and haven’t made the time to let you know YOU ARE AWESOME (By the way, I saw ”douche canoe” on Twitter the other day…and I think that’s going to be my new word. It’s perfect).
And your comments lending positive and kind words also made me realize that I feel like an asshat, complaining like that. There are so many of you out there suffering through life’s trials…experiencing heartache and pain that make my post about my desire to be super awesome look like a piss poor attempt at gaining sympathy votes. And I definitely don’t want sympathy…but I sure as hell sounded like I did.
My perspective on what I have and what others don’t is sometimes skewed…it gets lost behind those rose colored glasses that make my life seem unimportant, uneventful.
Point is, I shouldn’t complain. I have so much to be thankful for…and I am truly blessed. I don’t know if I could’ve said that with complete confidence a few years ago, but I can now. I don’t have to worry about where my next meal will come from. I have my health. I have wonderful opportunities that allow me to experience so many facets of life. I have a husband who, by the standards and examples I grew up accepting, is above and beyond what I ever expected. I have awesome fur-children and a loving family.
And the places I’ve gone, the people I’ve met, the things I’ve experienced…they’re all stories to share with you…stories to share with those who may never get a chance to step onto foreign soil and get yelled at in a language you don’t even understand, see the sunrise on a Hawaiian beach, run a marathon, witness a shuttle launch, hike within the wilderness of the mountains and get lost in the desert…stand two feet away from wild bison and their newborn calves, watch migrating elk at 4 in the morning…
If there is one thing I will agree with, it’s my ability with words. I still cannot say, “Wow. I’m skinny” or “Damn! I’m pretty” but I can say I am capable of the written word. Now, I’m no Shakespeare or EE Cummings or Gandhi or whatever, but I’ve been blessed with words…with arranging them in such a way that makes people laugh or cry or feel like they’re right there, experiencing the event right alongside me. I draw you in and get you excited about going somewhere new and thrilling. Or I make a total ass of myself, which I’m never afraid to admit, and have also learned is highly entertaining.
And that, what I just wrote above…is the booshy purpose. And after an entire year, I truly believe that is what this blog is about and why it exists. There is no theme or expectation. It’s just me, meandering through life and sharing it with you, giving you something better more interesting a distraction from to do for a few minutes other than *the job* or *the housework* or *the monotony.*
Do I want fame? From the blog?
I won’t lie and say no…but wait - not necessarily from “the blog” but more like just IN GENERAL. For some reason it’s what I want. Some people want to be astronauts or doctors or lawyers or the President.
I want fame.
Will I get there?
I want to say yes…but fame requires a healthy dose of luck and timing. So for now, I’ll continue to share my life with the few of you who are here, giving me purpose, making me smile.
I mean, it’s way better than the new-old job. Also? I don’t end up cry-babbling all over the place because I have zero outlet for my raging female emotions.
And FYI: cry-babbling is when you’re blubbering and hiccuping while you’re hysterical crying to the point that no one has a damn clue what you’re trying to say.
Tim invented the word during our 22 mile run on Sunday. Plenty of interesting, completely random, you’d-swear-we-were-doing-some-kind-of-illegal-drug conversations come out during long runs like that.
And you can be damn sure my entire body was cry-babbling at me around mile 20.
PS: Say a little prayer or whatever it is you feel comfortable doing, for Tim and I and also Tim’s family. We’re headed up to Rochester soon to partake in the celebration of life for his Nana, who passed, peacefully, the other day.
Being somebody is all in how you view it, with time everything comes into perspective & turns out it is where you are supposed to be.
I will say a prayer for your family & for his Nana’s soul.
Fame is generally more trouble than it is worth.
Ahhh I cry-babble all the time, it feels good. real good. I kind of want fame too.. but not the bad kind. Like I don’t want to have 28 children or anything…
Words can’t describe how happy I am that you wrote about how *not* miserable your life is. I’m being 100% serious about this too. No sarcasm. Not today. I’m sobered by the words of my bloggy-pals more so than ever today. I don’t know what it is about this Tuesday, but it’s awe-inspiring.
P.S. “You’re welcome for douche canoe.” is what my lil dude of a sister would surely say, but since she’s not here and I am…you’re welcome for douche canoe.
keeping you, tim, and his nana in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tim and family in this difficult time.
And I just have to say; whine and vent away. Friends (even bloggy friends) are not just there for the laughs, we are there for the cry-blabbering and whining to. This is your space to write about what is going on in your life and sharing how you are feeling at any given moment is a part of that. Even reading your cry-blabbering gives us a break from our lives. And let me also say that I reread your post and I didn’t think it was whiney or self pitying at all.
*Getting down from my soapbox*
How fabulous that you ran 22 miles!!! When is the marathon again? Tell me I didn’t miss a post about it somehow, but I honestly can’t remember when it is and it seems like you haven’t posted about it in a while. Maybe it is just me though.
I think you do have a great way with words. Keep it up!
And I’m sorry to hear about Tim’s nana. Prayers are with you. xx
I hate when I cry-babble. It makes me want to slap myself.
And I’m sorry about Tim’s grama. ::hugs::
Every chick needs a little cry~babble every once in awhile. The ya come around and count your blessings! Woohoo!
Know I will be praying for you and your family during this time of celebrating your Nana’s precious life.
God bless and have a wonderful day from the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa!!!
I have been cry-babbling in the snow alone all week!
Passing peacefully is a great way to go. (hugs) to you and Tim.
Thinking of you and Tim.
Cry-babbling is such a great word, describes it perfectly.
No shame in cry babbling once in a while. The Internet if were not cathartic, would have been a complete waste of time for many. I am glad you have been able to find support amongst strangers (and perhaps not so strangers) and to appreciate the experiences you’ve had. My condolences to you and Tim and his family.
I think the reason we all come back, time and time again, to read your blog, is because you are so damn real. And really funny. And funny looking. Ok, maybe not the last one, but I had a pattern going dammit!
I don’t know where you get the energy to do all that you do. Seriously. I can’t run 22 feet, let alone 22 miles. Many kudos to you! That alone is an accomplishment to be proud of.
So sorry about Tim’s grandmother. I like the sound of “celebration of life” (which is a Hawaiian phrase, I was told) so much better than wake or funeral.
Oh, and cry-babbling cleans out the whole system, emotionally. It’s good to do every so often. *hugs*
Sorry about Tim’s grandma. But peacefully is definitely the best way to go. And I love that you are having a *celebration of her life*. That sounds so much better than a funeral.
Complaining, whining and cry-babbling are all cathartic. They get out the bad feelings to make room for the good ones. And learning to be thankful for what you have is a growing process. You have so many things to be thankful for and many personal successes to be proud of Jessica. And yes, you certainly have a way with words. I have no doubt that at some time I will be holding your first novel in my hands. It better be freakin signed by the author!!
♥Spot
You know I love you, baby.
i’m slow on the reading these days but you are getting there. Slowly but surely life will come together and you will be able to write more again. Cry babble all you want. it feels so good!
There’s no cry-babbling in baseball!