a baby shower…and i am freaking out.
3 / 13 / 2010I’m supposed to be bathing the dogs right now…but obviously, I’m not. I’m procrastinating because…(begin annoying whiny voice) bathing the 60 and 70 pound dogs is such a pain in the ass.
Anyway, then? Then I have to get all pretty for a baby shower. For a childhood friend. WHO IS HAVING A BABY.
Can you tell I’m freaking out?
That means…odds are I’ll be with child at some point in the (too near) future.
I AM FREAKING OUT.
Don’t get me wrong. I love babies…the kind who can go back to their mommies when they begin screaming like I’ve done something to royally piss them off or when they have a massive ass-plosion.
Then again, this one missing piece is probably why my blog is losing readers and not gaining them.
I have no tiny person ass-plosions or stroller snafus or cutesy drooling going on here…
Also? I’ll be seeing lots old friends…the one’s where you have no idea what to say to them because you’ve all gone different directions and everyone became someone else somewhere between when you used to be friends and now. Awkward. And I don’t do awkward very well. More like a babbling, rambling, cobbling together of a long, drawn out string of nonsense that ends with what the weather will be like for the next decade.
Yah. Exactly.
I’m an embarrassment. To myself.
And just FYI? Whenever that day comes when I am WITH CHILD? I’m counting on my five faithful readers to blast booshy all over the universe. Why? I’m going to need more than moral support when *things* start happening…like every tiny change in my body and the birthing and the EVERYTHING…READ: I AM FREAKING OUT.
Every single post will begin with something like: HAAAALLLP!!!
Isn’t is just amazing how well Mommy blogs do?
You’ll be fine at the shower. Just try to pay attention to the gifts received so when it’s your turn, you’re not all like, “Boppy? WTF?”
Everyone needs a Boppy. And onesies.
One of my favorite brief stories my daughter recounted was about explaining shower gifts to her boyfriend, who actually said, “What the fuck is a onesie?”
Oh oh! Another Mommy Blog on the horizon! And don’t fret….maybe people who read our blogs will change as things change in our lives.
I don’t know. I thought I would have had a kid by now, but being married for 12 years to a guy who kept saying “maybe next year” *every* year kinda blew that plan. And now I’m dating someone 7 years younger that is no way ready. Kids? Not likely. And I’m the one people thought would be *most* likely to have them.
Quite frankly, I get bored of the Mommy blogs. I don’t mind some things because kids are funny, but a lot of times, it’s just about the kids. Childless (childfree?) bloggers tend to have more diversity and can go out, do cooler things, and blog about them. I like that.
Not MY blog, obviously, but you know. Other people’s blogs. My own life is pretty damn boring.
But your blog is funny and varied. I wouldn’t sweat a few losses.
This is why all self-respecting baby showers serve alcohol…..and lots of it.
Go, try to have fun, eat some cake, and then go home and get yourself vajazzled. Vajazzling is not for women who’ve pushed the functional equivalent of small watermelons out of their vaginas
I am zero help. I don’t have kids and will not have kids, I don’t really dig on kids, and I don’t attend baby showers due to the previous statements.
Is drinking acceptable behavior at a baby shower? Perhaps a flask of something special to take with you?
I do not like baby showers. Going to one next weekend. And I have 13 friends that are pregnant. 13!!!!! And I do not plan on having kids myself – I like them but while my 13 friends are loving the idea of having a family, I am not. It’s not in the cards for everyone. As for mommy blogs… well, I should probably keep my big mouth closed.
I am a total word nerd. I love it when I discover and can use new words. I was all set to start pondering how I could use VAJAZZLED, then I decided to look it up. I know I’m a bit slow sometimes. Apparently this word has been in use for a while. I am so glad I looked it up.
Y’all have to see this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTaNnK4lGyc&feature=player_embedded
Yo Booshy. I feel your pain. When your friends ask you if you have kids yet just say no. And if they ask you when just say, “Well we’re experimenting with fur kids first, so that way when I do get preggo, I’m not tempted to return it.” LOL
And just wait for the horror in their eyes. You know. I like kids too..I just don’t want any of my own. Kids are expensive…I’d rather have $300 hand bag then $300 stroller that will only last for like what? A year or two? That $300 hand bag could be timeless. I know…I’m selfish…but I’m okay that. Just smile and nod booshy you’ll do fine.
People I went to school with have been having kids for years. I’m past the stage of being freaked out now and starting to get slightly annoyed by all the “when are you going to get started” type comments. One of my friends actually told me “you’re not getting only younger you know. You don’t want to leave it too late” then sent me an e-mail the next week which started with the words “tick-tock, tick-tock”. Umm, thanks :-/
My only advice is to call the liquor store and order a few kegs of beer. Everything should be clarified once the beer starts flowing.
Adoption means you don’t have to bake your own buns. People ask all the time where we got such beautiful kids and I always say “walmart – they sell EVERYTHING!”
You’ll do great, just remember to take along your sense of humor.
Meh. Babies. They’re ok. If I read a blog of a person with a baby, it’s about the blog, not the baby. For example, Marriage Confessions. I hardly ever read the baby page. The last baby shower I went to… there may or may not have been alcohol. I can’t remember, which probably means there was. Maybe you could bring a couple 6 packs, or a flask.
I just went to a baby shower on Sunday and it was okay. We played games which I hate. But man, I feel you. SOO not ready for kids and might never be. And pregnancy? no thank you.
You’ll have fun, there’s always good food
Wait…what happened to my comment?? I’m confused.
Your blog has eaten my comment twice. will it eat this one?? Doubtful, but I dont feel like typing it all out again.
I have kids. You know what I say about Mommy blogs and baby showers? “Blech!” That much cutsie-ness can’t be good for anyone. Maybe it’s like candy, only instead of rotting your teeth, it rots your soul.
i like kids and all, but not for myself just yet (if ever). so please don’t turn into a mommy blogger-only. i like mommy blogs but i wonder if they are only popular because so many moms seem to have so much time on their hands not only to blog themselves but also to read everyone else’s mommy blog.
the only mommy blogs i read are those of moms with 6+ children. THAT’S a lot of fun and very much helps to realize that i’m not ready for kids just yet.
Just thought you should know I’m still here silently stalking even though I haven’t been commenting. Also, when did we get old enough that our friends are popping out little ones? We’re just days away from gray hairs and Depends.
I am horrible at babies…not to them just about them. I cannot relate. I like your blog the way it is. Not that I have anything against babies. I could go on and on. I am sorry you have a baby shower to go to. Meh!
Babies are awesome, but a totally different awesome than your blog. Just keep on blogging and the baby issue.
You do know that baby showers aren’t contagious, right? It’s not like you’ll catch a case of the preggers just by attending! Stop freaking out, you’ll be just fine!
Hi! Seattle Heather sent me over. I don’t have babies either! I have 5 nieces, I don’t need kids of my own;)
Cute blog!
*sighs* Mommy blogs.
They’re so… cliche… (for lack of a better word).
You sure you’re losing readers?
Because I just stuck you in my RSS feed so I don’t visit the site every day; it probably doesn’t count it o.O. Maybe there was an RSS feed movement that you were unaware of. All your readers are getting your posts through their little RSS readers.
I’m pretty sure you have more than five readers.
Trust me, even when you do break down and allow for an 8 pound human being to waltz out of your vagina or the lower abdomen as your intestines sit goo-ily on your chest, people still won’t consider you a mom. Or maybe that’s just my luck because I insinuate that I’m a total whore who will sleep with sponsors for bail money and write about my neurosis WAY too much. But, then again, you might get a free stroller out of the deal…and some ‘roids.
Dude you crack me up. All my friends are going through the baby thing and I’m expected to be busting out the big news too. So I hit up the baby showers and they are all looking me up and down saying “Soooo when is it your turn.?” Good question! Im getting a divorce!! They shut up real fast. At any rate I’ll be here for all explosions.
I’m pretty much on the same page with you on the baby thing. EVERY married friend of mine is either pregnant, JUST had a baby, or is trying to get pregnant. I know at least 6 pregnant women at any given time.
haha
It’s annoying because whenever I have “big” news, everyone gets excited and all “you’re pregnant?!?!”.
Now I’m starting to develop a weight complex thinking maybe I LOOK pregnant and that’s why they keep asking.
lol … babies, i’m not ready yet either
Well your blog gained at least one new reader… Me! Im glad I found it!
A baby shower means there is at least one woman pregnant, and probably lamenting the loss of her nicely toned/shaped body. You will look awesome next to her! LOL. Just kidding. (Stop throwing tomatoes at me!) You will be fine, at the baby shower I mean. Just oooo and ahhhh at all the cute stuff. And they don’t serve Mimosa there? What kind of respectable baby shower are they pulling here? And when your time comes, cry all you want. I am still crying now and my kids and 7 and 12…
Also the last baby shower I was at Me and the only other childless girl were outside hiding in the bushes smoking cigarettes (I had wine, she had coffee but I think it was spiked and we both had tattoos) But that was way back when I was young and irresponsible…last August.
Sigh.
You ever notice they don’t serve cocktails at baby showers? That makes me crazy. I don’t see why I should be punished, too.
Yes….yes I expect every post will. Many of mine still do
x
Hows Hawaii??
Been a while since I dropped by hope the shower went OK things are always a bit weird when getting together with old friends but i hope it was all in all a good look forward and back
Trust you survived the shower…was the baby there or is he/she to be born yet? Did you hold a babe?
Freaking out? Not very motherly…better get that out of your system before you are one
Happy weekend!
When I turned 21, all my friends back home started popping out spuds and I thought they were crazy! 10 years later, all my LA friends are doing the deed, and now I’m afraid I’M the one who’s out of her mind. Baby showers continue to freak me out, even though their drooly little faces are getting cuter by the decade…