Um. This…these words?  What you’re reading RIGHT THIS SECOND? This is the *real* booshy. What follows? Well, that part I really can’t speak for, other than to say we kind of share this guy called Bartholomew…yah. THAT kind of share.  He’s a gnome.  And gnomes?…well, you know.  Also? We’re probably related.  And not just first name related.  We can’t be last name related because I’d fail in the pronunciation EVERY TIME.  Truthfully? I haven’t a clue how to even begin to say her last name.  It usually comes out San-flip-e-oooooo.  Her blog name?  It’s just as verbally complicated…so I just say itreallyfastlikeyoudothoselongasswordsthatnooneeversaysexceptinspellingbees. Did you catch that?  Because what I just saw were the words fastlikey, ass, noon and sex…which? Totally means we’re all getting a super awesome nooner.  Yay, us!

Anyway, I’m done now, I think.

(what’s a nooner? Really? Really?….um…maybe I shouldn’t have added “ass” to my list of “words that popped off the page at me”…..)

The following is from Jess at shuggilippo.  Go check her out.  She’s…well, weird like me.

I have to start off with how ecstatic I am that Booshy asked me to guest post over here today. Well, okay, I practically begged to snag a spot when she did an open call for guest posters on Twitter, but that’s beside the point. Let us move on now children. Swiftly now, swiftly. In a nutshell, I’m pretty stoked to be over here today and you’ll soon see why.

It’s like discovering the left sock that the dryer ate eons ago. Or maybe more like finding a twenty in the pocket of your least favorite jeans; thus making them your obvious new favorite. Ooh, ooh, it could kind of be like the time when you find out your ex is married to the most disgustingly vile excuse for a woman you’ve ever seen in your entire life. It’s like all of those things…but better!

Discovering your long lost twin is probably the best and most confusing thing you’ll have to deal with in your entire existence until you’re onto “them”; “them” being the universe, or in the case of Booshy’n’me, our parents. I really do think all of this could be a government cover-up of the first ever case in recorded history where twins were born three years and a handful of months apart. So what if I wanted to cook a bit longer?! The warmth of the womb is sort of like a cozy home to me. Ask my “mother”. I’m sure she’ll be completely honest with you. Pffft.

In all seriousness though, how else could it be explained that we are so instinctively intuitive, like it’s our first nature? Really! I’m asking because as brilliantly intelligent and beautiful as we are, we still cannot explain it beyond the speculation that the universe, in all its fuckedupedness, would separate us at birth only to bring us back to one another twenty-three to twenty-six years later. (Remember, I marinated in the juices of fetus-hood for a few extra years.)

Now, I’m not complaining about this discovery. No, no. I revel in the fact that someone else out there breathes the same off-color air I breathe. There’s no real comfort like that of knowing you’re not the only one who houses a lawn gnome named Bartholomew in your head, occasionally letting him out to romp and play, only to immediately regret that decision, leaving you with nothing more to do than share your frustration of his belligerent annoyance with your twin. Who, did you catch that, TOTALLY understands what you’re dealing with. It’s like empathy on black tar heroin. Which, may not be the best analogy seeing as how I don’t think I used the word “empathy” in the proper context and haven’t the slightest idea the mental or physical effects of black tar heroin. Humor me will you; just this once?

We have a passion, nay, a hunger for all the same things. We possess the same physical features. We finish each other’s sentences…maybe. We’ve never had a real life exchange of words so don’t hold me to that one. Secretly, now not so secretly, I’m terrified if ever we were to speak with each other, I’d hear my voice come out of her mouth. That’s a just an utter creepfest I’m not quite prepared to handle. Now I feel dirty and need a good rinse from all of the weirdness I’m spewing from my fingertips. (Perhaps I haven’t bathed today either…that too.) There you go universe! Fucking up my psyche yet again. Sheesh!

(Hi, it’s me again. I decided I had more to say. I being *that* booshy girl. I feel like I have to re-introduce myself so no one gets confused…anyway, thanks, Jess!!  And I’m pretty sure you’re right about the whole government cover-up.  Maybe we’re like this one time where I rescued a pregnant cat in college.  She had kittens…and this one stubborn kitten decided to pop out THREE DAYS after the others and was totally alive and healthy…and hungry…he just wanted to percolate a little longer, like you.  What I’m saying is, it’s totally within the realm of possibility).