she’s crazy. and neurotic. basically? she has a fred.
4 / 02 / 2010This is Jaime. And she’s crazy. Like, the sleep with one eye open with a machete under your pillow if she’s sleeping over kind of crazy. Personally, I think it has something to do with the imaginary friend she never really kicked to the curb when she was five. Like Fred from that movie…the one where the chick kept her imaginary friend, Fred, through adulthood (or was it Fred who kept her?) and she was pretty much labeled crazy because of Fred…anyway…
Just say no, Jaime. It’s better that way.
(Jaime’s blog is life under construction at the pq nation…and what follows is her craziness)
So I’m A Little Neurotic
I’ve been a busy girl. In the last two weeks I’ve had to say goodbye to family and friends, LEAVE MY HOUSE A LOT (this is new for me), pack for my upcoming ‘temporary’ move, remember to blog every couple of days, and try to come up a fantastic idea for writing this guest post. I’ve actually had all sorts of ideas swirling to and fro in my head (I’m crap about writing them down – actually I think that sometimes if I write things down they become not as good, which is probably true most of the time) about what to write so that I don’t sound like a complete moron, but I couldn’t come up with anything. I’m really neurotic. About everything. I was so busy (read: totally procrastinating) with everything going on (read: watching Stargate SG1) that I couldn’t pay attention to one single thought for long enough to come up with a complete blog post about it. And then today I realized: if there’s any ONE thing I’m well versed in, it’s my own neurosis.
I’m practically crazy, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way even though without the drugs I’m on I’d likely be full-on crazy. I love myself, even when I don’t like myself very much, and it’s mostly because of my crazy. I’m pretty much upfront about all my crazies (as my friend Mike so lovingly refers to my, well for lack of better word, craziness) when I meet a person, because saving it for later is out of the question. Anyone that has ever spent a day with me can attest to the fact that I am constantly in a state of anxious, irritable mental confusion. I’m often borderline hysterical inside my head, and while I convinced myself for so long that no one could possibly notice because I assumed I kept it under such tight control, it has recently become apparent to me that it’s the most memorable thing about me: how neurotic I am.
I’m a perpetual worrier. Sometimes I can’t even decide how to spend my free time because What if I pick wrong? so I end up doing nothing because I didn’t know what else to do. This actually happens more often than not. o.0
I obsess over arguments with people in my head that haven’t even happened yet and probably wouldn’t ever happen but What if they do? or I have to be prepared! and these fake arguments tend to make me angry or defensive without ever really happening. And then I feel bad about it and tell myself I won’t do it anymore, but before I know it I’m knee deep in another mental argument with someone and it’s happening again.
I do weird things like freak out at 2am because I bought a BlackBerry, dream about squishy lighters and demon cats, and make silly pictures using Paint.
If I sound like a moron, I don’t care. At least I know I’m weird and I’m not ashamed to tell all you strangers.
I have mental arguments with people on a daily basis. I think that’s the reason I dislike so many people…. I imagine them being much more harsh than they really are!
P.S. I’d totally win in a mental argument against you. I’ve already prepared it. I won.
Doesn’t everyone have imaginary conversations/arguments? They make me seem way more awesome than I am in real life.
Holy shit. You just explained my life. Are you sure your not me?? I’m off to have a whole conversation with you about us in my head.
Just know, Your not alone sista. We’re all crazy.
Uhm, should I be happy that your crazy is like my crazy? Or should I be worried?
I thought I was the only person who had imaginary arguments just in case.
@NySoonerGirl – That’s good, because I usually lose in my head anyway, and if you lost we’d be having some seriously malfunctioning mental issues.
@Maureen – I’m a lot more awesome inside my head, too.
@peedee – I’m sure I’m not you, because I don’t get ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ mixed up.
@Jenera – I’d be worried if I were you. Sometimes I worry that I’m too much like myself and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I have “venting” sessions, but I’ve stopped having imaginary arguments with most people, except my mother. Oh – and my sister, too, but the older I get, the less I have them with my sister.
We ALL have quirks, but I will say you do have a few “ticks” I didn’t realize, and that can’t be easy to live with. Anxiety is difficult, because you can’t be told “don’t worry”, it’s physically impossible without medication. You can work on coping mechanisms, but major life changes, as you are about to experience, will upend you for a bit. I hope you get settled sooner rather than later and that these things don’t take too long to work through.
Sounds like the story of my life…I’m a worrier rather than a warrior in life too, I think there’s nothing wrong with it…some people like to do, I like to over-think
Great post!
Nice to meet you. You sound a lot like me but as I have a form of Autism, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, that’s probably not very helpful for you to hear! Visit my Chez Aspie blog before Monday evening if you want a chance to treat your inner (probably slightly neurotic) geek for free. I wont tell anyone. Promise
@Ella – Thanks sweetie!
@DJ Kirkby – I just might!
typing on an iphone can be a bitch. sure your not an iphone?
I love bloggy drama.
I must gain more…maybe I can get everyone going with their, there and they’re?….
Or to, too, and two!
Yes! The to/too/two trio…also a fire starter.
I love your crazy. That’s what makes you, YOU.
We all got some crazy in us, some just hide it REALLY well. (not me though)
Lauren (pqnation): my crazy or her crazy? Me = confused. Which = typical.