mahalo. it’s a super confusing word.
4 / 12 / 2010I learned that “mahalo” is basically a nice way of ending a statement that says you’re doing something wrong. Or illegal. Or really, really stupid.
For example, on a trail Tim and I traversed to get to an INCREDIBLE waterfall, there was a random gate.
(this is the waterfall. I didn’t want to leave you hanging)
Anyhow, said random gate had a sign.
And I’m thinking the gate was to keep the invisible cows INSIDE the fenced part, because it was super important to close it after you walked through:
It wasn’t just the sign…everything…EVERYTHING in Hawaii was followed by a ”mahalo!”
I’m thinking it’s kind of like when *true* Southerner’s are all, “Isn’t that just the ugliest damn baby on the whole planet? Well, bless his little ol’ heart…”
Now, I say *true* Southerner because one: I’ve never, ever said that before in my 27 (DAMMIT! I’M OLD! TWENTY SEVEN!) years of living. And two: I’m not really from the South. I was transported here by some other-worldly method. I don’t even *have* an accent and apparently? I look like I’m from Minnesota.
(Don’t ask me where Minnesota came from. Now, when people ask me where I’m from, I always ask them to guess where before I tell them the right answer. And almost EVERY SINGLE TIME they say, “Oh, definitely Minnesota. Definitely.“ And that’s my cue to blow their preconceived notion totally out of the water)
Anyhow, most native Hawaiians can pick out a tourist…a non-native…a person who is stepping all over their turf…in an instant.
With me? I’m pretty sure they saw me coming a mile away.
It was the legs.
The pasty, white, almost glowing, legs that are at least 15 feet long.
I’m pretty sure I hold some kind of record for the longest femur on the palest person, ever.
Right…back to the mahalo.
There are lots of rules…and lots of really, really bad things to do in Hawaii. And most non-natives *do* them thinking it’s super cute.
Something like petting turtles.
MAJOR NO.
The Honu (aka turtles…because honu sounds way more tropical) are like cows in India.
You stop for them.
You allow the honu the right-of-way.
You go FIVE MILES OUT OF YOUR WAY just so you don’t disturb them.
You get second degree burns from the sun all in the name of waiting for the damn honu to move from its position in the middle of a trail to the ocean.
In other words? If it’s you versus the honu, the honu wins. Always.
As in, you try to feed one? Or pet one?
A Hawaiian will jump out of nowhere and start yelling at you…though you can never really decide if he’s *actually* pissed off or just trying to give advice…
Please don’t feed the honu…mahalo!
No, really, DON’T FEED THE HONU, BRO…mahalo!
You can’t pet him, either, dude. Mahalo!
DUDE…LEAVE THE HONU AT PEACE. YOU’RE GIVING YOURSELF BAD KARAMA. Mahalo!
YO! HONU MEANS TURTLE, ASSHAT. LEAVE. HIM. ALONE. Mahalo!
I’m gonna whack you over the head with my surfboard and feed you to the fishes if you don’t stop playing the drums on the honu’s back, bro. Mahalo!
Seriously, playing Wipeout is not cool, man. First? You’re totally off beat and second? STEP. AWAY. FROM. THE. HONU. BEFORE. I. KILL. YOU. Mahalo!
Last warning, brother. Then? Then Pele and I are gonna kick your ass. Mahalo!
Also (and completely unrelated)?
Tim and I have yet to figure out how to interpret this sign.
It says…ENTERING tsumani evacuation area…
This would lead one to believe that you’re headed towards safety.
AWAY FROM THE WATER.
Apparently? No.
This sign means you are running towards certain death.
In other words?
TURN AROUND AND GO THE OTHER DAMN WAY, IDOIT. Mahalo!
Ok, OK, OK…I HAVE TO SHARE THIS…because these are THE AWESOMEIST DAMN TREES IN THE HISTORY OF EVERY UNIVERSE THAT EVER EXISTED. EVER.
The best part? No one actually painted them. They are SO born that way…all colorful and stripey…they are Painted Eucalyptus trees (I have no idea how to say the scientific name, much less spell it).
Either way? I fucking want one.
Where do they grow other than a tiny plot of land somewhere on the Road to Hana on Maui?
Actually, what growing zone am I even IN? Because I have no idea.
And everyone should applaud me for even knowing that there *are* growing zones.
That’s a major step in my gardening repertoire.
I now know that things plants and flowers need water. And sun. And sometimes food.
And also – just because they’re pretty doesn’t mean I can have one (that’s the whole “growing zone” bit comes in…)
haha, growing zones. i’ve never heard it put that way, but yes, there are.
also, awesome waterfall. if nothing else makes me want to go to hawaii, that most definitely will.
jealous. cool tree. mahalo.
Waaah, I want one of those trees!
Over in Oregon, on the coast they have those very same signs and I always laugh at the man running from the wave. I think I might have something wrong with me.
Mahalo. Those trees are amazing! I love them. Also, that waterfall is huge. And I’m from MN and I can tell you there’s lots of white legs here. And Germans. and Norwegians. Lots of pasty white people. Scandinavians too. Yep, white people. Mahalo.
Aloha! Those trees are incredible! Very cool. Wish I could see one up close.
Also, you’re a funny girl. The evacuation thing, to me, means that you’re entering an area that quite possibly might need to be evacuated, so listen the fuck up for the warnings, and heed them dammit!
Girl, you crack me up.
Mahalo.
Bless your soul.
Thank your for giving me a new word for the day…..I will now say Mahalo everywhere. .Rock on.