We’ve been home from Hawaii for what feels like forever (two weeks)…a lifetime (two weeks)…an eternity (two weeks)…and my body has finally gotten itself back on the *normal* schedule.

And no one is happier than me about this return to routine.

For the last two weeks…

My legs…no, my thighs…have felt like sausages in my pants…wrapped up all tight just like how that clear plastic stuff squeezes the life out of encases raw sausage meat (random sidebar: we EAT that weird plastic stuff…and that’s just gross).

The daily poo schedule? SIX HOURS BEHIND “normal” time…and normal time is in the AM. And by the way? Nothing’s worse than having to poo around NOON, AT work and DURING a meeting. Let’s just say I have no idea what was happening for that hour outside of my intestines.

And this unfortunate poo schedule mishap certainly doesn’t help in areas like massive bloating, which exaserbates the sausage sensation and when you add all that together, my body has no idea when to be hungry, so I felt like eating at random times, like 3:30 in the morning or 11:36 at night or during the time I was probably supposed to be pooing but couldn’t decide which signal my brain was sending.

SUPER. CONFUSING.

Also? My hair folices were rebelling against me. They were like, HELLO. We’re supposed to be all up in a messy ponytail thing. Like this:

hair at south point

Or this:

hair at haleakala

Or this:

hair on mauna kea

Or this:

hair on hike

Or this:

hair at big beach

But down? What the hell is DOWN? Down is uncomfortable. Down hurts like when you’ve had your hair all pulled into a really, REALLY tight up-do and then the next morning, when you’re super hung over and begin the process of un-doing the up-do, piece by bobby pinned piece, it hurts like hell when your hair barely moves in a direction other than the one its been positioned in for the last 15.67 hours.

I’m also going through orange jacket withdrawals.

So, yah. Relieved to have things “flowing” as they should.

TMI?

Sorry.

I think I’ve done away with my brain-to-mouth and brain-to-blog filters.

Which means you’ll always be in for a surprise.

Like this:

rumandass

You don’t get it? Well…. it’s not just some random dude, who I don’t even know, eating.

That’s super boring…and weird. Like, stalkerish weird.

It’s RUM…

& ASS.

Awesome.