caption the cows
8 / 14 / 2010How do you get hospitalized for exhaustion? Because I think I need to play whatever card that allows me some REST.
Tim does too.
For like…a month…or so….
And just in case you happen to be the one admitting us, we must be put up in a private room with a special king sized hospital bed. I refuse be stuffed into one of those half single sized beds with bars on the sides where I can’t morph into my spread eagle sloth shape at night without having to call for help at 3AM because my arm has somehow gone under my thigh and through the bed bar and my fingers have lost all sensation and are now involuntarily twitching, pressing the buttons on the bed remote that make it go up and down and up and down…
Not. Happening. We need, no, we REQUIRE a big ass bed in a wing where they serve you varying flavors of jello with cute little spoons at exactly 8:00am, 12:00pm and 6:00pm and we’ll watch trashy daytime TV and get mylar balloons and stuffed bears from all those unknown far away relatives, like Auntie Beatrice (whoever that is).
And maybe all of said presents can be delivered on sparkly jeweled platters by squat-sized gnomes that we can, upon request, bend into submission like barbie dolls – which, by the way, all of my barbies had broken knee caps because I wanted ALL of their leg to BEND. I was not satisfied with the solitary pendulum motion at the hip joint, Mattel, thankyouverymuch.
So, I took matters into my own hands and told my friends, as they tried to make prissy barbie or bitchy barbie walk across a shoebox stage or up the barbie palace steps, only to have her legs crumble beneath her, that my barbies legs weren’t broken! Silly friend with zero imaginary skills!
They were double jointed. Duh.
Obviously, I don’t know what to say because my brain is like all mushy…so things like hospitals and barbies and jello just kinda blur together…so nothing really makes any sense.
To me.
And if I don’t make any sense to myself…well…to hell with the rest of the universe (read: you) understanding me.
If I am totally honest, all I (and “I” being my brain) want to write is:
!UNICORNS!….
See?
Maybe we should have a picture day?
I like this one. It has baby cows. And a bird.
And now that I actually pay attention to the personalities contained within this picture, it kinda looks like the white bird is having some kind of altercation with the big brown cow who has his (her?) ears back all, “I’ve got a big ass and gnashy teeth, so back the hell off, you pissant little twit.”
…massive bovine sigh…(I’m speaking for that white cow)
I took this picture while we were heading into the town of Hana on Maui back in March…
And have no idea how to caption this…because my brain is…cloudy.
And cloudy (does not) = creativity.
Help me?
I, too, sleep in a spread-eagle sloth shape.
I was feeling all sorry for you till I read that you took the sweet cow pic in March…on Maui. Now all you get is a “whaaa I need ANOTHER vacation” Oh and I think I may have dated one of your double jointed barbies. I know creepy right? Now who needs a vacation? Rest up and keep me laughing!
mark p: was it bitchy barbie or hungover barbie?….I never could seem to keep those two straight?….
so I’m like so totally behind or something and I can’t caption worth a poop but….
This photo makes me think of how when my dog is mad, he turns his back to me. which then makes me think that all the cows are being clique-y and rejecting with the exception of the one facing the camera and you know that cow is totally thinking “Who do you think YOU are?”
Yes, I do have issues.
hey bird, sit down, it’s gonna rain.
because cows sit down when it’s about to rain, i think?
yeah… that’s all i’ve got , but no one else has anything, so…
All I can think the bird is saying is “dammit to hell you’re supposed to be STANDING when tourists drive by! They’re TOURISTS! See her camera? For the love of all that’s holy… and no, I don’t mean you. but I get it HA HA HOLY COW. Now you’re a comedian, but you can’t stand the eff up. Useless.”
“I love the smell of Methane in the morning.”
AJ
Hamletts Mistress: you’ve clocked quite a few hours around cows, no?
Maureen: so true! It actually rained right after…well, not very long after we took that picture.
squat-sized gnomes
Aren’t gnomes relatively small anyway.
Bird: “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”