I’ve been waiting for….at this point, FOREVER, to spill the hugely (is that a word? probably not) massive, ginormous secret that I couldn’t even give hints about to anyone.

Actually, it really hasn’t been *that* long…but you know me and patience….

And FYI, “anyone” included immediate family, the friendly neighborhood squirrels, or my imaginary friend, Sallie Jane (she’s old school).

Also: All current guesses (read: one, thanks or playing, Papa Guy.  You make me feel important) were….

INcorrect.

Do you see how difficult my life has been as of late (Read: FOREVER!!)?

I couldn’t give hints or talk about it or anything…anything!

The other day, Tim was all, “I’m surprised you haven’t said something on your blog about the super big secret.”

And I was all, “I don’t really want to be a tease.”

Because, really, who likes a secret if you’re not IN on it?

Well, me, for one.

And that’s probably enough.

Where was I? Oh, right. Beginning the long and arduous process of divulging The Secret. So, let’s give a little background, to make the secret sound as fantastic as it really is. Basically, put you in my our shoes for a second.

The job market has been in the toilet.

Which means Tim hasn’t no one’s been looking for jobs.

Because there aren’t any.

*BUT*

Stuff happens, blah blah blah and one day………we grew a money tree and lived happily ever after off it’s wonderful bounty!

Sadly,*sigh* not totally true…..

But, closer to the more realistic (to you. not me. I’m still holding out for that tree) end of the spectrum, Tim DID get a call (or an email, I forget which, but it was definitely one of those) from a recruiter to do a phone screen with this HR person for this job that was like, snug as a bug in a rug (read: perfect match).

So, they set up a date and a time and another few days (maybe another week, it’s all kinda blurry at this point) go by and Tim has the phone screen.

$&@”$);)$&@$(()&)&@(;?!&@!!&@!):$@!?

(Otherwise known as: the passing of time for those few days or weeks or whatever)

Enter Super Important DAY OF THE SCREEN:

While Tim was on the phone, locked up in our computer room, doing his Super Important phone interview thing, I was tasked with keeping all of the animals from using the house as their personal racetrack or even breathing, really, because that would be uncouth…and waited upstairs, out of earshot, in our bedroom with our wriggling hoard.

And why is it that when there is something exciting going on, they know.  Even if you don’t say a damn word.  They know and proceed to get the ohpleaseohpleaseohplease lemmelemmelemmelemme beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee involveeeeddddddd (aka; annoying. loud. irritating. distracting) “personality.”

%&()@#$@_^(%WHAP!#%#)%#!!!@)$(%^THE#$%)%^&%HELL??#$($%SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!#$#%$$!!?!

(otherwise known as me.  struggling.  with the fur-child hoard.  Oh, right.  In case you’re new…3 cats. 2 dogs. loads of high maintenance activities)

About 30 minutes later, Tim comes upstairs with the result of what we’ll call Interview # 0.5….well, ok. Technically Interview # 1.

He felt about 75% awesome with how it went.

The best part? As all interviews seem to go, we’d have to wait for TWO FREAKING WEEKS to find out if he made it to round two because the HR chick was going on vacation. Out of the country.

Sssssuper.

I know, two weeks probably isn’t THAT LONG, but I’m an impatient person with needs. As in: I need to know now.

On the Sunday of week two, I was anxious. Tim was anxious. Life was anxious.

But we weren’t expecting to hear anything until later that week. So, anxious we would remain.

However.

That recruiter guy I mentioned earlier? Well, as luck (fate?) would have it, he and his dad (mostly his dad), had a good relationship with the company Tim was interviewing with. And with a good relationship comes the bonus of being privy to insider knowledge.

As I was making my way up to bed that Sunday night, Tim stops me as I’m rounding the corner to the stairs all, “HEY! HEY! HEY!” (I know. We’re so romantic like that).

Me: “Whhhaat?…” (because I’m tired and cranky)

Tim: “I made it! I made it to round 2! Billy Bob (names changed to protect the innocent. Billy Bob = recruiter) just emailed me!

Me: “Wha?!?!?! Seriously? SERIOUSLY??” (no longer tired OR cranky)

Tim: “Round TWO!!!!!!!”

Then we did a happy dance.

Now, round two consisted of Tim going out to the actual location he’d be working at and doing a series of panel interviews with a mix of employees.

The way this works, apparently, is the employees decide who’ll go to the final round (*ding!*)

I think the sequence of this round went something like:

Tim goes to the interviews.

Tim blows the interviews out the water.

Tim texts me after he’s done and says, verbatim, “Nailed it.”

And now we’re playing the waiting game.

Again.

Except THIS TIME, we find out in less than 72 hours that (now, this kind of turn-around time I can live with)………….

The crow flies at midnight!

OR:

Tim made it to the FINAL ROUND!!!

We do another, more prolonged, happy dance.

I think the time between the second and the third interviews was about two or so weeks…..but time is relative and I truly have no idea how “long” it really was…long enough to mention.  Anyhow, the final round (ding!) interview plan: Tim would get to the final interview location (Different than the round 2 location. Have I lost you, yet?) the night before and go to dinner with everyone who would be grilling (interviewing) him the next day ALONG WITH the other candidates.

For the same position.

Yes, you definitely read that correctly.

It was like an experiment in social psychology or something. Random.

So, of course, Tim is all, “Um. Hi?”

There were three candidates, including Tim, at this dinner experiment thing.

But, because this is what had to happen, Tim put on his big boy pants and went to dinner and played nice and asked questions and sipped on Diet Coke.

Even though, really, who wouldn’t feel a little strange in that kind of environment?

I mean, it’s like, “I’m Randall. Your competition. I don’t say ‘hi’ and I definitely recommend the puffer fish. I hear it’s excellent when prepared improperly.”

Semi-related sidebar: we learned that fish is one of the best things to order during a “business” or “interview” meal. Less messy or complicated or something, so he *did* eat fish, just not of the puffer variety.

Then, the next morning, Tim went through the ringer with another round of intense panel interviews.

(and during all of this drama, I’m sitting on thumb tacks and chewing my nails down to nubs at work, waiting to hear from him…..and I don’t like the WAITING….waiting and patience are in the same no-idling-allowed box with me…)

After he was done with the final round and made it back to the airport to come home, he called me  (finally! When he called, I was all, “shutupshutupshutup!” and anyone who happened to be in my office was promptly booted) and was all, “I got a few winks. I think that’s a good sign?”

Then he told me everyone would get a call, regardless, by the end of the week.

That meant *almost* FIVE full days.

This is too long.

And talk about ANXIETY.

I think each day got worse. No, I know each day got worse. By Friday, I was having physical reactions, as in my stomach was in knots. For Tim. For this job. For this job that wasn’t even *mine.*

This is a big step for me.

Happiness and anxiety and hope instead of jealousy and, well, mostly jealousy, for something super awesome for someone other than myself. I’m becoming a less selfish person. It’s incredible. Truly.

By mid-afternoon on Friday, we still hadn’t heard anything, even though Tim had missed a call, who, he learned later, was the hiring manager.

DAMN!

By around 3:00, Tim gets an email from the hiring manager telling Tim to call him over the weekend or to let him know when a good time was to call next week.

NEXT WEEK?!?! For an answer?

No. This….definitely not working for the wife (self-centered part of me speaking).

Tim calls him. Voicemail.

Then Tim calls me all, “What should I say when I respond to his email?”

Pick MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Just FYI: he didn’t say that)

Instead, we decide for Tim to tell the hiring manager that Tim would call him tomorrow at 10AM, if that worked for him (the hiring manager….too many him’s and Tim’s in that sentence)

Apparently, 10AM was the magic word, because….rainbow jimmy’s (sprinkles) for everybody!

OR:

The hiring manager called Tim all, “I figured I’d go ahead and call now because I’ll be playing golf at 10AM tomorrow.”

Excellent.

Now, at this point, I’m at home and have no idea that any of this is going on after the part where Tim and I decided on the 10AM email bit.

About an hour later, Tim calls me.

And this is the first thirty seconds of the conversation. It’s fairly accurate because I think it’s permanently burned into my brain:

Me: “Hiiii…. … …….. ……..  …….. … ………… …… ….. . . … …..”

Tim: “Pack your bags.”

Me: “Seriously? You got it? You got the job? We’re going?!??!?!?!?!?!!?”

He did. He got the job.

The result of this?

Wait for it…..

………

It’s super fantastic….

… …. …

I know….

The suspense….

It’s…totally uncalled for.

(you’re welcome. you hate me. it’s ok. you’ll love me later?)

….am I being redundant, yet?….

OOOOOOOK…..fine.

I’m done playing….with you…err…your patience?….

We’re moving!

To………..

Guess?….

No?…………

Denver, Colorado!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Tim got home from work after he had called with the news, I did another, veryspringy, hop-up-and-downey, happy dance, this time out in the driveway, for all to enjoy, much to Tim’s chagrin.

Coloradoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayay!!!!!!!!!!!!

(this is why I’ve had zero time for….well, anything *not* releated to the whole relocation bonanza….more on that…later….now that I can TALK about it!)