Wow. I didn’t realize it’s been like, what? A whole week since I’ve posted anything.

Did you miss me?

No?

Fantastic.

I want you to know that I had grand plans….grand plans!…. this morning to sit at the computer with my coffee and bang out a perfectly crafted little diddy about our experience in Maui with the lava tube + full frontal…with pictures and everything…..

But all of that has turned into a load of psych!justkidding!, since our computer is currently in the process of dying.

And we aren’t really trying to save it.

Tim, had he not been built with lots of commonsense and reason, would have already thrown it off our balcony.

And that would have been really anti-climatic, since we’re only one story high and it would have landed in the grass.

So, after watching it bounce a few times and come to rest, still intact and probably laughing at the whole scene, Tim would have charged down the stairs to give it the ol’ heave! ho! into the parking lot… then taken the wheels and full weight of his car to it’s parts, doing that evil cackle with the psycho eyes and deep scary voice all, “Pain?!? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW PAIN!!!”

Anyhow, moving away from the crazy, we really just want the things it holds on the inside…we’re not really attached to the actual *computer*

So….sorry, pal. Also known as a Dellhole.

You assplode?

We don’t give a damn.

Just give us our pictures and files and important things before you kick the proverbial bucket and we’ll all just go our separate ways.

The whole point I’m trying to make here is: instead of me typing on a keyboard, which is easy and fast, this whole post is being done via iPhone while we move everything to a (less temperamental) mini hard drive storage thing.

Related: we’re in the market for a Mac.

We are SO. OVER. PCs.

Suggestions?

Other things that have resulted in my non-posting (I know. You’re going through withdrawal. I can just feel it)

I’m just going to drill down, here. The WordPress app is exactly zero percent awesome for writing/posting/not crashing while trying to save):

1.This week I worked 30 hours in 2.5 days….two 12+ hour days on Monday and Tuesday (I know. I can hear you again all, “Cry me a river, Jess…”)

However, these kind of turn-brain-to-bologna (WTF, right? Must be residue from the past three days…like I said. Writing when I’m tired. Bad. Idea) conditions does not a good blog post make.

And yesterday, in addition to the cramming-hours-in-during-the-last-week-I-will-ever-work-for-my-old-Atlanta-job, we had our walk through at our house…and that lasted for freaking EVER.

In case you didn’t already know, in this relationship between Tim and me, an anal retentive highly detailed person married an anal retentive mostly detailed person (me), so that pretty much equals hell for anyone who has to deal with us…on anything.

To be fair, we warn you at the outset all, “no, you rhealllly don’t understand….”

And when it comes to picking out things to “fix” in a brand new house?

[insert hysterical laughter]

Let’s just say that we need lots and lots and lots and LOTS of sticky red dots and green dots and blue dots to point out all the things that you’d probably never even see. And that’s pretty time consuming.

Anyway, I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to say. I started writing early this morning and now it’s….noonish and I’ve been to two grocery stores, Tar-jay (Target, people. It’s Target with a French twist), had a mini conference call with Tim + lawyer (Hi Jon!) about closing document issues, taken the dogs to the park and put together Tim and my “survival bags” for our cars.

And lemme tell ya – if Tim and I ever get stranded somewhere in our car, we certainly won’t perish due to lack of preparation.

That’s for damn sure.

Oh, by the way, we only bought enough supplies for two, soooooo if you also *happen* to be with us during aforementioned emergency situation….well…..you’re pretty much SOL.

Neither of us are very good with sharing. I think we both purposefully didn’t learn the lesson that day in kindergarten.

Unless, of course, you’re skilled in The Ninja.

Then we may be *slightly* more kind.

And willing to share.

Ok….Before I force myself to shut the hell up – because I know I’m boring you to the point you’re ready to gnaw off your right arm with any more of (my) life details that rank right up there with folding laundry and cleaning litter boxes in the scale of “I CARE” (and if you *like* doing either of those things? First off, you’re mental. And second: you’re hired)….see? Do you see how I just KEEP going and going? It’s like a sickness….BUT. Before I totally cut off my verbal diarrhea, I wanted to wish all of you a wonderful Chrismahaunikwanzika!

And if, for some reason, you do find my life interesting…just WAIT.

We’re buying a whole house next week!

And I have no job!

So I’m going on a life journey!

(Anne, the list is coming!)

PS: Dear FedEx, I’m glad you didn’t leave our package with the mean neighbor, like UPS did, but don’t write a note and post it on the front door all, “it’s on the porch” when, first off, we don’t even *have* a porch. And second, once I realize you really meant “balcony,” I got this mental picture of you tossing our package over the railing into our “porch” as you call it. Point is, FedEx, don’t do that. If whatever it is is now broken because of you? Well, I’ll be pissed.

PPS: In case you didn’t know, FedEx, I don’t know how to open the sliding glass door to “the porch” because it’s half broken. So this mystery package has made me contemplate figuring out a way to climb the wall to get onto the balcony. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that I wouldn’t be able to get down until Tim gets home. And I don’t think there’s a blanket or a functional cell phone or even a rescue ladder in that package. And it’s freaking cold outside.