to hell with the curtains
1 / 18 / 2011me: I’m quitting curtains. I mean, I didn’t really like the “curtain selection” task before but now? LOATHE.
Tim: Um….may I ask why, exactly, the curtains are receiving your wrath?
me: I just spent an entire day. A DAY on curtains. Who does that? Also? I’ve only confused myself further. Like, for instance, did you know that you can’t even order “curtains” or “window treatments” anymore? It’s festoons and jabots and balloons and tie ups and pinch pleats and sheer and semi sheer and rod pocket and tiers…I’m having to learn a whole new language before I can safely make an informed decision on what to purchase…because what if I select a balloon and it ends up being all wrong because I was really supposed to get a festoon for that particular window? And what if I mix up a jabot (seriously….WTF?) and a tie up and then my window is all sad? Because it’s only downhill from there.
Tim: I think it’s always been that way…
me: The sad windows or my analness(editor’s note: analness is a word. So says the editor) on making sure what I pick is EXACTLY. RIGHT. ? I mean, I think I’ve managed to make my way through life pretty well without….
Tim: No…the jabots and festoons and whatever. Even though, really, it’s not that big of a deal…
me: What do you mean not THAT big of a deal?? Don’t you see what I’m doing, here? I’m choosing clothes for a window. And whatever I pick is the only outfit that window will ever wear in its whole life. You can’t screw up that kind of a decision.
Tim: I mean…really…it’s not…and personally, I don’t think the window will really care about its outfit.
me: And who, exactly, decided window treatments needed that many names? The vibe I’m getting from the curtain people is that for me to properly select a piece of fabric…a piece of cloth - because let’s call it what it really is, here – a piece of cloth to cover my window I have to do an entire research paper on The History of The Many Names of Curtains.
Tim: It’s really not THAT hard…I mean, do you want the curtains to look like swooooooshy or kind of a whoosh-whoosh or maybe a pffooop?
me: To be honest, first off, I’m not sure that I want to know why YOU know the “looks” of the infinite types of curtains to the point they make actual, real sounds while I, on the other hand, haven’t a clue. And secondly, I don’t really think I want my curtains to verbalize anything. Like, at all. Especially if I pick a bad outfit. I can’t live with that kind of daily ridicule.
Hee hee.
We don’t have curtains. But, then again, we don’t have neighbors.
We are getting ready to purchase blinds that we can pull down when the sun is in our eyes. But they will blend right in to the wall. 
Good luck on your curtain quest.
And personally, I like the swooooooshy ones.
Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I’ll do it! I’ve already wasted my life learning the lingo and will do your shopping. yes, I said it. The only requirement? My word is law. You must submit to my curtain-choice – completely, absolutely. Just say the word and your windows’ souls are mine ; )
I have never understood curtains either. I would take up Anne’s offer and pay someone cause it makes no sense. Also, it is soooo expensive!
Uh, curtains are a big deal. I was put on curtain. The hubs had no idea how hard it was until I brought home 3 sets for 1 window – we tried them all on for size… and returned all of them.
I had the best luck with JCPenney. The website is OK but the showroom gives you a better idea and they can order specific colors if available. Or make them… then again, don’t.
I too am not a fan of curtains…I can never pick any I like and they are so expensive. I say meh, go with blinds and be done with it (and then go buy a cute outfit instead!)
I go with neutral sheers under black-out drapes that can be opened to let the sun in. Get all of your furniture and paint in place and then decide on the drapes. JCP is a good place to look. Maybe Anne should go with you, just to keep you from murdering some poor unsuspecting sales girl. I mean, she’s probably not a stalker… right?
Julie: I’ll keep that in mind….ssssswooooosh. Oh. Also, we did manage to make a decision and purchase those blinds-same-color-as-your-wall kind for the bathrooms because, well, duh.
Anne: You’ve just earned yourself a trip to Colorado. To our house. Because you can’t pick curtains without, you know, getting to know the windows….
Shannon: No joke on the $$$ Holy fabric batman!
Brooke: Your scenario is what I’m trying to avoid….now you’ve gone and freaked me out. IT HAPPENS! And, by the way, I suck at house-type projects. Like sewing. As in: Tim sews my buttons back on my clothes. For serious.
Jolene: I’m liking your cute outfit idea. Screw privacy.
Michelle: If Anne is a stalker, our moving to Colorado just made it THAT MUCH EASIER, since she’s only a state away…..
I am no stalker. But isn’t that what every stalker says? (I wouldn’t know, since I am not one. You get the picture.)
That’s why we have wooden blinds. The only downfall to those are having to keep them clean. I discovered that the vacuum hose does wonders with those suckers.
And privacy—if you ever have kids, it’ll become a foreign concept, something that you and your husband will look back on fondly as you daydream about your life Before Kids. : )
swooooooshy, whoosh-whoosh, pffooop…perfect descriptions for window curtains!
There are no curtains in our house! Just the honeycomb blinds. They do look awful but oh I cannot stand the stress of decision! AND the cost of course. And the stress that comes from the high cost and the thought “OMG what IF I hate the curtains?!”
People cannot see my nekkid body. That is enough. Ha.