“The Monogamists”
In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become too much to expect?

How funny is it that THIS one pops up for Easter Sunday?….And on that note, Happy Easter (if you celebrate)!

Anyhow, monogamy.

It’s like…it’s becoming something of a taboo, no?  In our world of MORE and FASTER and NEW ALLTHETIME, it is no wonder we now struggle with keeping the SAME PERSON for like, EV-ER, y’all.

Because we can trade everything else is in for something better.  Something fancier.  Something more impressive.

So why not trade in your sex life for something more exciting?

If you want to go the Biblical route, then, well, because God said so. If you’re not into God so much, then try to conjure up morals.  I’m pretty sure “cheating” goes against those…and if neither work for you, then just think about how your spouse will react once they find out – because, oh yes, they will find out.

And once they do?

You may wake up in a deserted parking lot in the middle of bumfucknowhere with a pack of ice and a missing kidney.

Basically, your entire life could be destroyed. And if you have kids – theirs, too. I know this.  For a fact. It is a sad, harsh reality that I wouldn’t wish on anybody.

Divorce is bad enough.  Divorce due to infidelity is…well…beyond painful.

My parents are divorced for this reason.  And it led me to mistrusting any boy or man I ever came in contact with.  I was positive that, no matter what they said, they’d cheat.  I’d heard it all before, from my dad’s mouth to my mom’s ears:  I didn’t do it.  You’re crazy.  You’re making things up.

And once she had proof? Oh, I promise I’ll never do it again.

Lies.

Those lies made me a skeptic.  I never even imagined the possibility of ever having a monogamous relationship.  Somewhere deep down, I was convinced that any “relationship” had to have drama and hurt and mean things thrown into each other’s faces.  It had deception.  You lived in a constant state of “Where is HE?”

The phrase that will forever haunt my memory was, “I’m going to the store…to get milk.”

But, we have milk?

Out he went.  And didn’t come back for HOURS.  Sometimes I wouldn’t see him again until the next morning.

I may have been young, but I wasn’t young enough to understand that it didn’t take THAT LONG to get a single gallon of milk.

All of this translates into Tim and my marriage more than I wish it did.  Granted, we are past the point of where I am skeptical.  I have somehow – damaged as I may be – learned to trust him implicitly.  I know he isn’t going to run out for a gallon of milk and not come back or go somewhere other than the grocery store.  And even if he’s gone for an hour, then I know something happened…like he got stuck in traffic or decided to buy more than just milk.

I know he isn’t going to cheat.

However.

I struggle when our marriage is in a nice, homeostatic balance.

I automatically assume that something is wrong…that the other shoe is about to drop…that something bad is just around the corner.

I create drama (as Tim and I call it: DRAM-A) when there is no reason for it.  I get pissy or huffy or pouty just…because.  I feel like it is all residual from what I *think* a relationship is supposed to be…based on the example I had of my parents fighting all the time…or my mom stewing because my dad was late from work – again.

It’s like I don’t know how to be happy in a monogamous relationship because I don’t even know what it is supposed to look like or how I am supposed to act.  I am slowly learning…but it is at a snails pace.

And it is all because I wasn’t given the gift of monogamy.  Monogamy was too much for me or my mom to expect from my dad.

I  mean, we think of monogamy as a pact between two people…but it really goes deeper than that.  When your own father goes out and “adopts” a whole different family – the family of the “other woman” – treating them the way you ache for him to treat you…that, to me, is no different than cheating on your spouse.

So, if for no other reason, keep monogamy.  Don’t discard it like everything else.  Don’t trade it in.  Don’t give it up.

Because even if the entire world crumbles around you, if you’ve been faithful, then you’ll come out all right.

You’ll come out whole.

If, at the bitter end, monogamy is the only thing you have left, then I think you’ve done pretty damn well.